July 30, 2012, - Monday evening, 7:10pm

    Back to reality. I have started writing a story today. A story about what might have been. I've been busting at the seams every time I'd take a break today, anxious to get back to the keyboard to write it down.

    This morning, I went to Maximum Access with Brian to work. Mama was up, and made coffee. I boiled about 4 eggs, two for me and two for Brian.

    Uncle Jay came in, and everyone was in good spirits this morning. The weekend must have done everybody good.

    Daddy got up, got some coffee, and began his daily business of work, going about the internet.

    We all chatted, and Mama said she liked my blog. I was finally able to coerce Daddy into reading it.

    We talked about me writing a book, and everybody agreed, that they would have no problem with it, so I went to Daniel's old room, my Daddy's shotgun shell room now, that has a desk, and no one is in, and sat my computer on the desk, and began writing.

    I wrote a dedication first, and then began my first chapter, which I finished today, and turned out to be about 12 pages.

    We had to go to the bank today, Chase in Monroe, so Brian drove us, and it was such a pain to have to drive that far, but it's totally worth it, just to be anonymous.

    When we got back, I made Tuna Fish, and we put that on a bed of lettuce. I figure around 400 calories altogether.

    Granny came over, with pies, which I resisted. I didn't really get to talk to Granny today, and I really regret that, cause I love my Granny, but her time with Mama is precious, cause she's always so busy. I usually call Granny near bout every day and we have a good ole chat, and keep each other posted on what we are doing each day.

    After Granny left, I went to take a nap, and slept til 3:30. When I got up, I wrote some more, and finished Chapter One. I was unsure whether I needed to let anyone read it, but I was busting for some feedback, and needed some support, so I got Brian to read it, and he said it was good. He edited parts of it, parts that didn't match, and I corrected them before we left this afternoon, printed a copy, and left it on Mama's computer, for her and Daddy to read tonight.

    Mama and Daddy had gone to Monroe, to get Daddy some more glasses. That man goes through more glasses, he is so tough on them. They went by Sears, and found some tools, and Mama said they were having a sale, so she bought some Bermuda shorts.

    I love it when my Mama gets excited about something, because she gets so funny, and her hand motions go wild, and it's just so fun to be a part of.

    I started on my second chapter, and it's totally different than the first, and I suppose it's supposed to be.

    At 5 oclock, Brian and I closed up shop, and went to Walmart for groceries, and my Diabetes medicine.

    We were so starving, my stomach was cramping up, so as soon as we got in Walmart, me and Brian grabbed a bag of beef jerkey, and ate while we were in the store. That was 240 calories for the whole bag, with a grand total of 15 carbs. We were doing good.

    We bought Mr. Sully some Healthy Weight cat food, cause he's trying to lose weight too. That little kitty does everything we do, so he'll be sure to lose weight as well. There's no way he's getting left out of anything, my furry little friend.

    We ran into Sheila Hales on our way to the groceries, and she said she had been keeping up with me on Facebook. I thanked her, and was glad to see her.

    We bought more beef jerky, soups, and lots of canned vegetables. We were thinking of steak fingers, but I checked the back of the bag, and for just 2 of them, it was 240 calories. Forget that. Not doing it.

    We scanned the salad dressing aisles, and I found some with only 15 calories in them, fat free vinagarettes, and picked up some salad fixings, lettuce, broccoli, and carrots, and that was the end of our Walmart trip.

    Hopefully, we won't have to go back for a long time.

    We're home now, and Brian is watching Espn 1^st take. He records it every day. It comes on at 9am, and though he could watch it at Mama and Daddy's, he doesn't. It can be really stressful there in the mornings, getting everything together. Brian does a really good job keeping up with everybody.

    So today, because I had beef jerky, I'm not eating dinner. Brian is doing great too, but he's having some soup tonight, with crackers, which I'm not judging him, cause he's supposed to have more calories than me anyway.

    Calorie Count: Coffee (200), Eggs (200), Tuna Salad (500), Nuts (220), Beef Jerky (240), Cold Coffee mix (30). Grand total : (1390)

    Dang it, I shouldn't have had those nuts. And I did buy Coffee mate today, opting for that instead of the half and half, because it has less than half the calories. If I walk tonight, for at least 15 minutes, then I should burn 100 of those calories, and that will put me at 1290 for the day. That's not so bad, not so bad at all.

July 30, 2012

    It's EARLY this morning, 3:05 am. I've been up since about 2:20, and I tried to go back to sleep and couldn't.

    Sambo is outside barking his head off, probably at a deer or something, but he's about to drive me crazy.

    We have no half and half for coffee, so I'm debating whether to even drink it or not, and I know I've drank it black before.

    Yesterday I did good. I had plans to eat dinner of vegetables, but turned out that I wasn't even hungry after that massive Subway meal, and I'm still not this morning, although I know I'm going to have to eventually eat something, I just don't know what or when, cause it's 3am, and if I get started now, it's going to make for a long day. I might boil an egg or two.

    I've got to get Brian up fairly early this morning, cause we are going to walk first thing, so I'm figuring around 5 am I'll get him up.

    In the meantime, I'm thinking about sewing on Daddy's throw, and I ain't got much left on it, so I need to just go ahead and finish it.

    I can't wait til my pants fall off, and I can wear my couple years old size 16 grey bootleg Izod jeans. I figure if I give myself 6 weeks, I should be able to wear them just fine.

    I had a scare last night. I began looking up things on manufacturing clothing in the USA, just to see how a loom would work, and how to get something like that up and running in case we ever had to do that here in America. I couldn't find anything, so I scrolled to the 10^th page of google search and clicked on a link named "Textile". When I opened it, it took me to another link, and that link took me to a big ole Korean/Japeneses/Chinease webpage, with a login and everything else.

    I got scared, and started thinking I had done made some of those people over in Asia mad for signing onto their site, and I started worrying about them spying in satellites listening to me. I didn't know what I had stumbled upon.

    I started not to say anything, but I figured if they were listening, they needed to know that I saw nothing, cause I don't even know how to speak that language, so I said something to Brian about it.

    That's when I realized, that no matter if they were listening, our country has defenses that won't allow them to come over here and attack me directly. And I thank God for that!

    I realized, that without our country's defenses, we are all just sitting ducks. So I decided to write to the most trustworthy and influential politician I know, who can make a difference, Bobby Jindal, and explained to him just why our country's defenses are just so important, for things like this.

    I fear for America, and with the wrong politician in office, like Obaama, they will weaken our defenses, for the sake of getting along, and although I don't like Mitt Romney, if he supports our defenses, then I will back him, and will have to, as we all will, just to not split the vote, to get Obama out of there.

    God Save America! And I believe He will, and has plans to do just that. I have complete faith in God in America. I believe we are facing tough times, that we are all just looking the other way right now, but hard times are coming. But I have complete faith that we will prevail, because God will Save Us! It's really a great time to live in America, because I know we will all come together when need be, and accomplish some great things.

    I no longer fear our government, or America, because I love her. It's not us we should be concerned with, it's enemies foreign, and how they have power over us, and where, and how, that we should be looking at.

    If they all just decided to quit shipping all of our manufactured goods over here to us, we would have to start from scratch, or be made into slaves. Most of the manufacturing companies have been closed for years, and the only ones that know how to do any of the scrapwork, is the old folks, and I have a feeling that we are really going to be relying on those elderly around us for instruction, and I thank God that they will all live to see this day!

July 29, 2012- afternoon, 4pm

    Well, we did go to church this morning, and Sunday School too! At West New Home Baptist.

    I was sitting outside this morning, drinking my coffee, and got to thinking about church, and that there would be a man of God, a chosen leader of the Lord at church, and God had given him something to say, and that it could help us and instruct us on which ways to go, and I immediately did not want to miss it.

    I checked the time, and it was 8:50am, and immediately got Brian up, cause we were going to Sunday School too, cause there could be a message there for us too.

    We got dressed, and showed up just in time for Sunday School. There was a meeting first thing in the main congregation, and we joined, and I immediately felt the Spirit of the Lord, and worshiped while we sang.

    A nice man got up and gave a quick devotional, about prosperity, and that when that happens, to beware, because most forget about God. And that was exactly why I was there, to not forget about my God, Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ, whom I love so dearly.

    We made our way to the Sunday School rooms, and we sat down, and read our lessons, and I was really looking hard for a lesson. It was on selfish ambition, and I immediately began to wonder if this blog was selfish ambition. I shared with the group the wonderful things that had been happening on Facebook with my friends and how supportive and what a blessing they have all been to me here lately, and I just began to wonder if maybe this blog was my selfish ambition.

    We adjourned for church, and I met Brian in the congregation, and he said he had a wonderful Sunday School as well, and they had the same lesson.

    We began singing, and I began worshipping, and my thoughts wondered towards not so savory thoughts, and I felt the Spirit had been quenched, and I tried and tried my best, and worshipped the best I could for the rest of the singing. The devil does things like that. I must not be as strong as I thought.

    The preacher, though I do not know his name, got up to preach. I was very skeptical of him at first, but towards the end of the service somewhere, my heart changed. He began preaching very sincerely, and his message was so heartfelt. I knew within a moment's time, that this was a man I could follow, that he was truly ordained by God himself, called to minister to all of us at West New Home this Sunday Morning, and I hope he become s the new preacher there.

    We made our way out the doors this Sunday morning, and I was so starving. We had to go home first, cause I had to use the ladies, and I didn't even realize it until we got in the car. That's crazy to think the Lord would hold my bladder.

    Brian and me decided on Subway, and took the backroads all the way to Rayville. We made it there, and I was so hungry, I ordered a footlong without even thinking about it. I was thinking, maybe 700 calories. That was before chips, and Brian got two chocolate chip cookies, which I also indulged in about 3 bites. We did get a Diet Coke, no calories, but all in total I'd say we had 1100 calories in that one meal, and we ate carbs.

    I was so fed up with myself when we left there, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. The thought crossed my mind to throw up, but I held that back, cause I am NOT going to end up bulimic with some kind of eating disorder. That is the most unhealthy thing I have ever heard of. I ate the stuff myself, so I'll just have to live with it for today.

    We were supposed to go to Walmart, but neither one of us was feeling too good after eating those 1100 calories, (from SUBWAY), man what a crock. So we left and we went home.

    As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed. And here I am now, just waking up.

    We've still got some veges from last night on the stove, so I guess we'll eat those for dinner tonight, although I am so far from hungry, I am just sick about lunch. How could I eat those carbs? Why would I do such a thing? Which reminds me, I'm going to have to burn off some of that mess today, by walking, and I need to get in there and do it soon, cause I'm going to lose my gusto if I don't.

    On the way to Subway, I began to tell Brian of my concerns about this blog. I told him, I hope this is not my selfish ambition, although it is selfish, although it is just who I am, a writer, who has always written, and will probably always write!

    I began explaining to him my heart, that I know that I am strong in the Lord, but that people believe me to be strong in the Lord, and that I know that shouldn't make a difference, but it did, but it didn't, but it shouldn't! I told Brian, it just seems that the more I talk about the Lord, the more popular I get! That I don't want to use the Lord for popularity. Following the Lord is just who I've been for the last 10 years! And if it came to being popular and no Lord, I'd chose no popularity, because I cannot and do not want to do without the Lord. Brian said people like me for various reasons, and I felt that all of that was the Lord's doings as well. He created me, and made me completely who I am. All the Glory be to God Almighty. Brian insists I take some credit, but honestly I just feel that these blessings come from God and God alone.

    So I realized that's where my heart was, and not that this blog is selfish ambition, that's not where my lesson was. The selfish ambition that I was to beware of, was to try to be popular without my Lord. And that's exactly why I'm going to church, and reading my Bible, because I am bewaring, and that is the last thing I want to do.

    All Glory be to God in the Highest, Who Reigns Forever and Ever, Who is Everlasting and Eternal, Who Is and Was and Is to Come!

 

July 29^th, 2012 – Sunday Morning

    I'm debating on whether or not to go to church this morning. It's probably not going to happen because it's now 3:25 am, and I've been up since 2:30am, so I will probably be sleeping when church time rolls around. I didn't do it on purpose, but I can't go back to sleep, and don't want to really, cause I was having some weirdo dreams.

    Brian is still asleep, and probably will be at least until 8. He might surprise me though, or I might go drag him out of bed because I want someone to talk to.

    I just got through posting yesterday's blog, and I really want to shamelessly self promote, but I'm not sure how to do it just yet. Surely no one would mind if I placed a link everyday under a status? Just a friendly reminder to say, I've got more to say.

    Sometimes I wonder if I will ever run out of things to talk about. I don't think that I will, because there is always something new going on in the world, and in everyone's lives, that there's always something to talk about, and I thank God that He made things that way.

    I've never been one to talk about other people, and I'm still not, although I don't think that spreading cheerful news about good things in people's lives is necessarily talking about them.

    I'm really loving Facebook, cause I get to talk to everyone all the time. It's like having a phone conversation that's really short, without the phone, so we all get to keep up with each other.

    Sometimes I wish we could all see each other, but then I'm like no, I don't want to see anyone cause I look terrible, being so fat and all. I'm a little bit timid on that front.

    My cat is throwing up everywhere. She must have overate. Lord have Mercy, now I'm going to have to clean up Miss Maelee's vomit. She's an alley cat, and she tries to gain weight, but she just can't. She always throws up.

    Day 4 officially begins with this cup of coffee. Yesterday I ate a half a protein shake for lunch 200, hamburger steak (440) and squash and green beans (120), and then for dinner I only ate veges: field peas (200) vegall (50) sweet peas (50). My total intake was : 1060. Then I walked twice, burning 60 calories each time, putting me at total consumption: 940. Pretty dang good. Can't wait to get on the scale on Wednesday.

    I'm also considering taking a fluid pill on Tuesday before I weigh on Wednesday, just to get any excess fluid off of me, we women carry so much dang fluid.

    I'm guessing we are going to have eggs for breakfast. I might put some onions in them to make them interesting, and I would add a can of rotel, but we are completely out.

    Brian suggested canned soup. I totally agree. When we go to the store today, I'm going to definitely buy canned soup. That is so quick and easy. And I don't have to buy the kind with noodles or rice in it. Just solid meats. That Campbell's Sirloin Burger is just beef and veges. That should be good.

    I am so excited for it to get cold outside, and I never have been in my LIFE! This is a change for sure. I got some new clothes from J. Jill on sale, all winter clothes, and I'm super excited to get to wear them. I've been wearing sweat shirts here lately, cause I get hot and then I get freezing. It makes me want to just be cold, so at least I can throw on a comfortable sweater and wear it all day. And BOOTS! Victoria's Secret has some really really cute boots right now. I'm waiting for them to go on sale.

    I ordered like 3 vests from J. Jill, and this really great Ruby Red Corduroy Blazer that I am in LOVE with! I have a real weakness for clothes, like all women do. Our poor credit cards are screaming because of it. I know most women's are as well, unless they can just afford to buy all of it outright, which we are not able to do that.

    Mama called me back yesterday evening, said the fish weren't biting, that the lake had dropped 2 feet since the weather report that they had got had turned to out be from last month! So they all went swimming in the hotel pool. It was supposed to be a "flea bag" according to Mama, but she said the hotel turned out really nice. They also went swimming in the lake and were all about to meet up for a nice steak.

    I woke up today, and was worried about burning out, so I said a prayer to the Lord, and I know He answered it, cause I feel better already, as I put it in His Almighty loving Hands, and He makes all things new.

    
 

    
 

    
 

    

    

July 28^th, 2012- morning
    Had a good night's sleep. Slept actually until 7 am, which is good, cause I usually wake up at around 4am. Brian got up at 6:30, and didn't even make coffee. When I got up, I had to bully him into making it. It's only fair, he was up first, he should've made it.
    We're now watching Espn 1^st Take, that aired last night at 8pm, as a special. And of course, it's on Tim Tebow, thumbs down. Although I must say that I find both Skip and Stephen A. endearing, and their little Takes 2 thing that aired before the show was really cute.
    Today I am going to try to get some things accomplished. Clean the kitchen, go to Walmart, wash some clothes. Do the floors again. I need to get my blood work done, but I have to find the sheet, and I honestly have no idea where it is.
    Espn 1^st Take is pissing me off talking so much about Tim Tebow, drop it already!
    Mama and Daddy are at Lake Darbonne this morning in Farmerville, fishing. They wouldn't answer their phones if they had them. I hope it doesn't get too hot today so they can get some fishing done.
    They have been planning this trip with Kathy and Jimmy for a week or so now, and then yesterday, Kathy called Mama at 3pm yesterday while she was getting ready to leave, and said 2 other people were coming as well.
    I'm scared to get on the scale on Wednesday, cause I'm scared I won't have lost any weight. After all, I ate dang rotel last night, and chips. I ain't going to lose any weight that way, for sure.
    Just saw an interview with Drew Brees of the SAINTS! He is so determined! If it's up to him and the offense, we will win a Super Bowl this year, no doubt. Last time we faced adversity, we won, and it ain't nothing different this year. I would love for us to really stick it to the NFL the way they stuck it to us this year. They hit us, we hit em back. I hate to call anyone a Savior besides Jesus, but Drew Brees has really saved the Saints football team. As Brian said, when Drew Brees gets that look in his eye and that determined, it ain't good for his Cowboys, or any other team. SO EXCITED FOR FOOTBALL!!!
    LSU is going to be really good this year too. I'm looking forward to a National Championship this year. I know we've got the talent, but it's Les Miles that I have lost a lot of faith in. I'm still sore from last years defeat against Alabama. The whole thing was nonsense. Jordan Jefferson stood with the ball looking like a deer in the headlights, and Les Miles, and his Michigan self, had the defiance to keep him in, when we could've put Jarrett Lee in, who by the way, won the first of the season for us. I'm still convinced that Jordan Jefferson must have had something on Les Miles, and although I have no evidence, there was no call to take Jarrett Lee out. Makes me fighting mad still to this day. I mean we LOST a national championship. We don't do that here in Louisiana. We just don't. If Les Miles doesn't straighten his ass up, and for some reason we lose another national championship, we're going to send his ass packing back up to Michigan. I'm going to call for a release! As is everyone here in Louisiana is screaming. We don't play those games here, Mr. Les Miles. We WIN! I don't care if he did get the name the Mad Hatter here in Louisiana, we don't care what he's called, itt don't endear him to us when he loses National Championships. Take it and run away, cause we better see improvement this year, for sure. I am SO AMPED FOR LSU FOOTBALL!!!
    As for the rest of the day, I'm going to try to eat very little , and try to lose some weight today. I might need to keep up with my activities as well, and count my calories deficit, but that is so much dang trouble! It may be well worth it however.
    I've got to walk today, and am undecided whether I should walk this morning or this afternoon. Thank GOD we get to stay home today, I love staying home with Brian.
    Mr. Sully followed me around as soon as I got up this morning. Him is such as sweet big ole kitty.
    I'm quitting the Xenadrine, and I know, and I realize that it will most likely boost my weight loss, but it's not good with my other meds, and I was having some really crazy thoughts last night. I had a vision of a pill, and I tried to absorb it, but it broke open into a bunch of other littler pills, like a puzzle. Not doing that shit.
    I do wish there was something I could take to boost my metabolism. With these medicines I'm on, there probably isn't. I'm going to have to lose it the old fashioned way.
    And NO I AM NOT HAVING SURGERY! I absolutely refuse. I realize that some people may have success with it, but I know a lady who had it and died. She DIED. Not worth the risk, to me. NOT DOING IT! EVER!
     I'm getting really sick of smoking. Really really tired of that cigarette taste in my mouth. It won't go away, cause I always light up another one. It dries my mouth out. I'm constantly drinking something. Just as soon as I get this weight off, that's my next project. 
    Miss Maelee still won't play with Mr. Sully. Since I threw Peaches out for good, he's had no one to play with but me. I've been trying to cheer his little kitty self up, making him dance and hugging the kitty, and he does cheer up. I just wish he had someone to play with, but I'm not getting another cat. Two is enough.
    We read something about this woman having 25 cats, and I thought to myself, how does this woman even have time to love all of them? She doesn't. Mr. Sully is enough all on his own, much less 24 more just like him. She must collect them or something. Kitties are meant to be loved, not collected.
    We're watching some kind of messed up show right now about his woman thinking she's 17 when she's at least 45. It's called Perception. I don't know, someone's psychotic and someone else is hallucinating. And they all got that crazy look in their eyes. I'm not watching it, Brian is. He likes it a little bit, but I don't know that he will continue watching it.
    Brian is a Falling Skies man. I like it too, and lookee here, we gotta wait 2 weeks to see the new show. I figure it's to let everyone else catch up on the episodes, but man, they are keeping us loyal fans waiting.
    Dad, (Brian's dad), is also a Falling Skies fan. Since Brian and Dad are separated by distance, they get an hour segment watching TV together on Sunday nights, one here, and one in Mississippi. He thinks about his Dad watching it with him.
    I really want one of those Neat Desks. Only they're freaking $400 dollars!!! Outrageous! That's as much as a computer, although it's kinda like a computer itself. Still, we don't have that kinda money, or maybe I can save for one soon. I have so much dang paper, but I kinda like paper, although it would be nice to type in a key word and be able to pull it up, although, if I needed it for something, I'd still have to print it out to use it. Which would make more paper. I have a tablet that's really good for looking up recipes and just setting it on the counter while I'm cooking, if I need a recipe for something. The only problem with tablets is the memory, so I've got to buy an SD card, which are at a reasonable price right now, I just keep forgetting.
    No but tablets are great for games, and stuff like that, but give me my laptop if I'm going to get on Facebook, which is very often, cause sometimes it don't actually click on what I press, for some reason, I'm really wondering if it's the memory.
    I just drank a protein shake for breakfast, well half of one, cause we didn't have much powder. We drank it with milk, and milk is a filler, although I don' t feel very filled. I should've made eggs. Tomorrow, tomorrow I will make eggs. I'm going to have to think of something good to eat for lunch. I've got tons of hamburger meat, maybe hamburger with no bun, and some vegetables. That's what I'll do.
    I get scared I'm never going to eat again. Lord knows, I love to eat. But I'm working on that. I will eat again, I tell myself, I will. I will eat anything I want. And actually, a protein shake is so easy for breakfast, and my kitchen is such a disaster area that I really didn't feel like cooking this morning anyway, but some cereal would have been nice.
    Which brings me to, I don't know about this damn no carb or white diet. It kinda pisses me off. I'm not into fad diets, everyone says cut the carbs, which I am doing now. Doesn't your brain have to have carbs to function? Yes? So we will all be running around here mindless with our no carb eating selves. I'm going to try it, but if I get to feeling any crazier than I already do, I'm going to eat carbs. Period. Just not as many.
    I will say though, I know whole wheat bread is better for you, but I have a damn hard time losing weight when I'm eating whole grained bread. Even that Ideal Protein Diet said that whole wheat bread can keep you from losing weight. Some of all this health conscious stuff seems like a load of shit to me.
    So many studies, everyone's doing a damn study suggesting this or that, and yet everyone in America is gaining weight. Maybe they don't know what in the hell they are talking about anyway. Science can be such a load of shit.
    Like doctors, they think they know anything. But they have to experiment on you before they can even diagnose, and then they give you a pill that may or may not work! It's not an exact science. No it's not, and you're not God.
    

July 28^th, 2012-evening

    I just woke up from a nap, a 3 ½ hour nap. I've heard these things are addicting, and boy are they ever. It is very rare that I can stay awake all day, for one reason or another.

    I dreamt that Brian and I had met in high school over the summer, and I wanted him to come to Riverfield with me, but he wouldn't, and then some of his Georgia friends came to the pool, and I was still fat, and he started playing in the water with some girl, doing some kinda activity with fish. My poor poor heart.

    I woke up determined to find Brian and never let him leave my sight.

    I found him in the living room, watching The Night at the Museum, and the kitchen was clean, and the dishwasher was running. I can't even begin to describe the amazement I feel when he does things like that. It's just such a relief when he gets things done. He is a man after my own heart.

    Now I'm sitting in his Man Cave, and watching him play NCAA Football on Playstation 3, only I'm not really watching it, but I found out where that song in my head keeps coming from, it's the Georgia fight song.

    Mr. Sully took a nap with his Mama today. When I got up, I couldn't find him, so I went to the bedroom to look for him, and him was still sleeping. I grabbed him and loved on him, and petted him. He acted like he didn't like so much of it, but I know he did, cause kitties love to be pestered.

    We ate Hamburger Steak, no gravy, green beans, and squash for dinner. The kind of squash in a can with onions. I read the back of the meat package, and I probably had 1 ½ serving and Brian had 2 ½. 160 a piece. SO that's 240 for me for the meat, and another say 100 for the green beans and squash, give or take 20 -40. I did fry it in olive oil, so that's another 200 at least. So lets just say around 600 calories for lunch, and 200 for breakfast. I'm at 800. Good. And we walked this morning.

    Brian says he wants to walk morning and evening, cause it just makes sense to him to do that. He believes we will burn off what we ate in the morning, and in the evening we will burn off what we ate all day.

    Makes sense to me too, cause it'll get our metabolism going in the morning, and then at night, it'll crank it back up to burn those calories at night.

    I feel better today, not taking that Xenadrine, and I took my vitamins: Magnesium, Fish Oil, and Super Vitamin B Complex.

    Brian got us to make a chart of how long we walk each time. I think it's a dang good idea, to chart our progress. He's just as amped about losing weight as I am.

    He weighed this morning, 214. I didn't understand it, cause we aren't supposed to weigh til Wednesday, once a week. He said he was starting today. I told him not to discount all the effort he's been making thus far. He agreed, but it was too late, he had done weighed.

    But boy, that scale is calling my name. We've set pretty high goals for this week, hopefully 5 pounds.

    I talked to Granny this morning, she had been to Mama's and Mrs. Pat's, done made a key lime pie, and was now reading. We talked about books and she's reading a real good one right now.

    Granny gave me this whole box of books, and I'm on the second one right now. 8 Sandpiper Lane by Debbie Newcomber. I need to get in there are read it right now,a nd I think I will.

July 27^th, 2012, Thursday evening, 8:53pm

 

    We're home now. Been home since about 5:30 or so. Today me and Brian went to Maximum Access. I answered a couple of calls. Not but a couple, though.

    Daddy got me set up on Command Prompt on my computer. Step 1 complete I said. Hopefully, soon they will teach me to troubleshoot calls. I told them they don't have to pay me, that I'm already there a lot, I might as well learn something incase they need me sometime.

     I started day 2 of losing weight today. I drank a protein shake for breakfast. Around 10 am, I went and took a nap, it seemed like the day would never end, and it was just getting started. I couldn't eat til 12, so I decided I would just go to sleep.

     I slept til 12, got up and ate the first thing I saw, fig newtons, about 10 of them. Then we grabbed the steak and sausage off the stove, and ate some of that, and then some asaparagus. I drank my coffee black again today, but now I'm wanting some with half and half.

    I started counting my calories, and came to 1140 after lunch. I decided I couldn't eat the rest of the day, not even a protein shake. I was dead set on it.

    I went back to sleep after lunch, until 2 or 3. When I got up, Brian was gone to the bank, and to get the oil changed, and the battery changed, in Delhi at Vicki's.

    He called when I got up and I got to talk to him while he was waiting.

    While he was gone, Mama brought up Daniel. She had seen Seth and Lance at Gannaway's, and wanted to tell me that Seth wanted Daniel's deer head. I have no use for that deer head, and it means nothing to me. Seth was actually there that night, and I'd be glad for him to have it.

    I sat at the bar, sad, and realized that it's just a part of who I am now, missing Daniel, and waiting to see him.

    Brian came in, and cheered me up. He totally understands.

    This day is dwindling down fast, and I am so glad for it. We'll be up maybe another 2 hours, 3 at the most. I think I can hang that long.

    Anyway, so I decided to not eat. Turned out, when I left Mama's I felt like I was dead. There was this new kind of power that came over me, saying no to food, and I am truly skeptical of it, regardless of what kind of power it is. Brian seemed worried, me turning down 20 calories of green beans, and wanted to know if he could take me to the store to find me something to eat. So much concern. I was powerful. It immediately reminded me of those anorexic people that lose weight and feel powerful from all the attention and praise, or Karen Carpenter, and not eating and she eventually died. I decided not to dig into that kind of power, or even use it.

    When I got home, I immediately made some green beans, ate them, and then wanted something else, so I suggested rotel to Brian, which he made, and we ate plenty of and in the mean time I ate some Jalepeno chips. I'm stuffed now, and Brian just made me some coffee, which I am going to put half and half in.

    I could really go to bed, my brain feels tired. I feel emotionally exhausted. I've gone through a lot today, and didn't mean to.

    I finally got to watch The Help, and decided to write a book. But then I got to thinking that my rite of passage will probably be to write about those closest to me, and I decided that was selling out, and that I didn't know what kind of reaction my parents would have to something like that, and the last thing I want to do is hurt them or anyone else in any way. I put my faith in God that if it isn't for the best, I'm not going to do it.

    I'm not selling out. Period. And I'm not hurting anyone. I figure, that all this stuff will probably be published one day, when I'm dead. Go figure.

    My kids will probably pub lish it.

    Maybe not.

    Who wants to read a bunch of old journals?

    Well, who knows.

    Right now I don't feel good. My stomach hurts and I feel like I'm going to cry.

    I wish I could just cry, tears don't even come to my eyes.

    Me and Brian are now watching Lost, so it's got to be about time for bed, THANK GOD!

July 27, 2012
Friday

Dear Food Diary,

    I'm thinking of starting a new journal with photos.

    I'm undecided should I do one strictly for weight loss, another for social events, or put them all together in one journey, because it's really all the same journey. I'll get Bran's opinion when he gets up.

    Losing weight in love is proving to be easier in making good choices.

    I'm drinking my coffee black this morning.

    And will, most likely, for the rest of my life.

    I'm feeling tired mentally today, but that's not stopping me.

    We decided to eat grilled chicken and asparagus for lunch, 2 protein shakes, and 3 for Brian.

    I've got to pay bills today, we've got to go to the bank.

    It's almost 5, I'm waking Brian at 6. That gives me a whole hour.

    I can pay bills, clean the kitchen, or sew.

    I feel like stiting right here in this chair.

    This weekend, I want to mow, sew, and get the kitchen and front cleaned, and the clothes washed.

    Grocery List!

    I feel a little bit strung out, but that probably goes with the territory of losing weight.

    I refuse to weight until next Wednesday. That's 5 days from now. Yes, I can wait 5 days.

    Me and Brian are planning a cruise December for our anniversary.

    I should be down to about 165-170 by then. A small size 12. Maybe even closer to a 10.

    I want to count down the days, but I don't feel like counting on the calendar.

    It's going to be tough enough as it s.

    Besides, this is not a countdown, it's a lifestyle change. I'd be counting the rest of my life.

    I am so thankful for my facebook friends, they have really helped me over the past few weeks. I love all of them.

    I am gong to be a size 2. At the most, 120 pounds soakng wet. Brian might even be able to pick me up!

    Bobbi Ann Otis is doing this with me and Brian and I am encouraged that we are doing it together.

    Annette & David Ford are also trying and I am praying for them as well.

    We will be out of 9 of our credit card debts really soon, just as soon as we get our income tax returns and back pay. We are cutting down from 13 credit cards to 4 and back up to 6, because just charged 2 new ones- J. Jill and Fingerhut for lcothes and some outdoor furniture respectively.

    I looked on Forever 21 yesterday. Black dresses and all kinds of fashionable clothing. Can't wait to wear that stuff! I'm not losing my fashion sense. I'm taking it with me.

    Brian Likes Stein Mart, I like Dillard's.

    Brian wants a bomber jacket, and maybe I can get him one this Christmas.

    Daddy gave me lesson in Honor yesterday about him and Mama. He didn't even get mad at me. I love my Daddy Mac.

    Me and Brian are weired like Mama and Daddy are, and I'm so glad, cause our kids are going to have a great life! As I have.

    After weight loss, the next thing on my list is smoking. I'm going to quit and Brian's going to quit dipping too. God's grace covers a lot.

    I think I feel strung out because my body is starting into weight loss mode. I will be sure to take my vitamins. I might just need a shower. I am also taking Xenadrine, which improves metabolic function.

    Brian got up, and we are looking at buying a Bowflex. I wasn't too thrilled about it at first, because it looked like it would be hard to work, but Brian pointed out that it's safer than free weights, and I want to keep my baby safe.

    He also pointed me in the direction of starting this journal here, on the computer this morning, instead of keeping a hard copy. I just like paper .

    Time for protein shake #1. And some pictures.