August 15, 2012-Wednesday

August 15, 2012 – Wednesday

          

  8:03am

            It’s going to be a busy day today!  I hope I can keep up! This morning, I’ve got til 9:30 to eat breakfast, write, visit with Mama and Daddy, and blog.  Then I’m going to see my Granny at home, and visit with her for a while. She’s also giving me Daniel’s ironing board, since she has two, and I don’t have one at all. I really need it for sewing, cause you have to press everything before you sew it. Last night, I had to iron on the dinner table, so this will be a big help.

            After I leave Granny’s, I’m coming back here, and I’ll have a chance to catch up on my writing, eat lunch, which I think we are having soup today. I’ve had so much soup here lately, but that’s about the only thing left in my cabinet, so that’s what we are having.

            At around 12, I’m going to visit Aunt Mary Beth, and Grandma Dearman is with her, and we will have a cup of coffee. Then I’m going to drive Grandma back home to Delhi, see Grandpa, and maybe Aunt Jenny if she’s there. Since I”ll already be in Delhi, I’m going to go by Brookshire’s and buy some groceries. I’ve already given Brian the cookbook, and his job for today is to pick out about 4-5 recipes for me to make a list out of, and cook this week.

            I should get back from all this by 3 or 4, and I’ll have an hour to catch up, visit with Mama, Daddy and Brian, and then it’s time to go home. I’ve got to walk as soon as I get home, for 20 minutes, and then we’ve got to mow the yard.  All that should take about 2 hours tops. Then it’s make dinner, eat, clean up, start some clothes, take a shower, and finish my blog for the day. WHEW!

            I wanted to sew today, but I’m definitely  not going to have time, and I’m not even going to think about it.  Since Brian wants a quilt, and I want to make Mama one, I’ve decided to work on both of them at the same time. I’ve already got some of the material for Mama’s, but I’ve got to go to the store and pick out Brian’s, and I just ain’t got any money til next week, and then I’ll either order him some Georgia and Dallas fabric, if I can’t find it in the store, and I’ll go to Hancock’s and  pick him out some more.

            I’ve also got to finish the king size quilt I made for myself, for our bed. But I’ll do that one last, since it’s for me. I don’t know, I might finish it first. I don’t know. We’ll see.

            We’re all just sitting here drinking coffee this morning. It’s so quiet in here. We need Uncle Jay and Daddy to liven things up a bit.

            Thank Goodness they aren’t working on the building today. It sometimes drives me crazy all those workers out there. I know they are just doing their jobs, but it’s nice they aren’t here today. It’s peaceful. There’s no hammering and clamoring about. Nobody looking to get paid. That makes me feel good.

            I just caved, and took an Allegra. My sinuses are killing me, I’ve just got to take it. I can’t help it, I don’t have good allergies. I hope it doesn’ t stop me from losing weight, so I prayed about it. God can do all things, He’s the best one to go to about it.

            Been learning how to love unconditionally lately and forgiving in love. It took a lot, but the Lord is faithful to pull me through it, and I’m a better person with less issues, loving unconditionally and forgiving.

8:28pm

            We just got home about an hour and a half ago. I did most everything I set out to do today: went to Granny’s, Aunt MB’s, took Grandma home, visited with Grandpa, saw Aunt Jenny. All that, but didn’t get back to Mama’s until 5:30. Then Brian and I had to go to Walsmart, and buy groceries. It ended up raining while we were in there, and it was a complete circus when Brian pulled the car around, us trying to load all the bags into the car. I was going to get a diet coke at Sonic, and we pulled in, but it was just raining too hard to make those poor Sonic folks walk out there just for me a Diet coke.

            We drove off, and it started hailing, so we pulled into Cross Keys Bank drive through, under the awning, and waited a while. Brian and I got to talk a pretty good bit, and we solved a couple issues we had with me losing weight, issues both of us had.

            We drove to Bee Bayou for cigarettes, and it started pouring down again, so we sat in the car some more, and talked some more about things, and at the end of the storm, we were both happy, and resolved, and kissed and made up.

            We drove home, and it quit raining about half way there, thank goodness, so Brian didn’t have to unload in the rain. First thing I did when I walked in the door was put on my flannel nightgown and fleece robe, and got all warm and fuzzy.

            I had to put all the groceries away, since Brian was so kind to bring them in, and he even brought in my laptop bag, without me asking.

            I called Jennifer Branch, and talked to her and Twig for a while, and now here I am in the mancave with Brian, while he plays football.

            I’ve still got to walk tonight, and it’s 8:35, so I’ve got to get on that treadmill really soon, before it gets too late.

            Today I had: Oatmeal (100) raisins (50) banana (1/2,50) no milk today, just water, peanut butter (50), no lunch, cause I was so busy, hot fries (410), beef jerky (200) coffee (300). Total : 1160, walked for 60 calories this morning, 1110.  So I might just skip my walk tonight, because that’s very little calories, and I don’t want to go under the limit.

            Oh but I really need to walk, but I don’t want to get weak. I might be weak if I don’t walk though. I’m about to take my pills, and that pretty much signals the end of the night.

            I don’t know though we’ll see. I am so amped up with energy right now, I might need to get on that treadmill and burn some of it off. Something keeps saying to me, you’re going to crash, but that’s just the devil. I’ll keep going, because I have the Lord on my side.

            I did do some cleaning today, so I’ll count that as my walk, because I didn’t sit down for a while.

            Now just time to become serene, and comfortable.

            I realized today, that when all this weight comes off, it is going to pose more challenges for me. The challenge of people coming up to me and saying, OH my GOSH! YOU LOOK GREAT YOU LOST SO MUCH WEEEIGHT!  Or others, saying they don’t like fat people, and I used to be fat, and they never have been or never will be, or those that say, “You lost all that weight, you’re going to gain it all back.”  Then there’s those that will just blow me off completely, but I’m not concerned with them at all. But the others I don’t know just what I’m going to say just yet, but I am trusting in God, that He will have me a definitive statement on hand, that I will use at any given moment.

            I don’t want anyone to treat me any different, or make a big deal about this weight loss. I’m still going to be this person, inside, just about 100 pounds thinner. Sure, I’ll LOOK better, but you’re still going to have to talk to Erin, who is the same person today, as I will be in the future. I might know a little more, but I’m still me.

            Sure, I’ll get more men attention, which is exactly the reason I gained weight in the first place, to not attract unwanted attention, from men that only like skinny women. When I married Brian, one of the main reasons I married him is because he loves me for me, regardless of my size, and he doesn’t judge a woman based on how thin she is, he judges her heart. He is the exact attention I crave, and any other man that gives me attention, will be treated as a brother, as I am extremely happy in my marriage to Brian, and happier than I’ve ever been in my life.  

            When men look my way now, I ignore them, think of Brian, and go about my married way. I care not to have men look at me. In fact, it kinda pisses me off, I just want to be left alone with my husband, go get your wife for heaven’s sake.

            I need to put some clothes in the washer, but I just don’t feel like it tonight. I think I’m going to enjoy spending some time with my hubby, cause we’ve had a rough day together today, but Thank the Good Lord, we pulled through it together. I just want to look at him, and be happy. I thank God so much for this man of mine. He made someone for me, that’s how much He loves me.

            I asked God tonight, to show me how to be in love with two men at the same time. One perfect, one not perfect. It’s really perfection at it’s finest. Being in love with God, and being in love with Brian. I have two men, and I am both their bride. What more could a woman ask for? I am the luckiest woman in the world. And I love both my men, though they are not even comparable, and I don’t even try to compare them. One is my husband on earth, and one is my God. I couldn’t be happier, and they both keep me straight, happy, healthy, and alive. I love my God, and I love Brian. All three of us together, living happily, loving every minute, and together Brian and me, worshiping the Lord, who is also Brian’s love as well.  Of course I love God more than I love Brian, but it’s a different kind of love, that I can’t even begin to explain for God. Brian is my companion, my helper, my friend, my equal. I don’t know much more than that about it, and I’m not even going to try to dissect it, it’s too pure and holy.

            I don’t guess I’m going to eat anything else today, unless I go eat some ice cream. We bought the Skinny Cow 150 calorie Ice cream bars, and the 100 calorie greek frozen yogurt. I think I might have the skinny cow tonight, so that will put me at1250, and I don’t think that’s all that bad at all.