August 28th, 2012 - Tuesday

August 28^th, 2012 – Tuesday

       Good Tuesday morning! The sun is shining, and hopefully it’s not too hot out there this morning, cause I’m about to be all up in it!

       Brian is heading to work now, it’s 7:45am, and I’m staying here, because I volunteered to stay home today and get the yard mowed. We were going to do it last night, but we were both so tired, that I offered to do it myself while Brian goes to work today, and that was okay with Mama, so that’s what I’m about to do, as soon as the dew dries up a little bit.

       I’m going to drink less caffeine today, because for the past few days, I’ve had nothing but headaches all day long, and I’m thinking it’s because that’s all I’ve been drinking is coke, coffee, and tea, all full of caffeine.

       Yesterday I had protein shake (340), coffee (300), soup (175) crackers (150) beer (110x2) coke (500) skinny cow ice cream sandwich (150) = 1835 for the day.

       Definitely cutting out those cokes, maybe 1 here and there, but I would be at 1335 for the day without that Route 44 Sonic Coke yesterday.

       Well I just weighed, and the scale said 231.0 this morning, so I’m keeping it steady I guess, although it did say 230.6 a couple days ago. .4 pounds could be anything though, so I’m  not going to sweat it. I’m going to try to stay under 1200 calories today, and do my very best to do that. Since I’m at home this morning, and don’t have my protein powder, I guess I can have some oatmeal at some point, and use water instead of milk. That’ll cut 150 calories there.

       I guess we will have soup for lunch again, cause it’s so easy, and I don’t have any leftovers from last night, because I didn’t end up cooking, or really doing anything, but spending time with Brian. We didn’t get home til about 6, or a little after, watched Espn First Take, Brian played football, and I gave all my guilt for going on with my life from Daniel and Jason’s loss, to the Lord.

       It was a very eventful night, and took a lot out of me, but I felt a little better after every effort, and I know that I will feel even better as time goes on.

       We watched Perception last night, and it’s about the mentally ill, and I really enjoyed watching it, and hope that this show will help change the perceptions of those of us with mental illnesses, and show that we are people just like you are, we just gotta take medicine for our brains is all, instead of our hearts or whatever else people take medicine for.

       The only thing that gets me about the mentally ill, is that they don’t want to take their medicines. It’s so weird. Part of being mentally ill is not wanting to take your medicine, yet you’re only mentally ill when you don’t take your medicine, so why not just take it? I take my meds every day, and I’m not missing a day, because I’m just as bad as that guy on perception last night, making up stories, and living in a different world…. That is…. When I don’t take my medicine. Brian said on my medicine I’m just like everybody else in this world. I believe that, and I also believe that although I may seem a little different to some, it’s because Christ makes me different, and my relationship with Him is what makes me different.

       Brian and I really only have 1 friend, and that’s Jennifer and Twig Branch. They say in this life if you have one friend, that you are very fortunate, and that’s all most ever have. I mean we have other friends, that we just don't ever see, but only really one that we talk to regularly and see regularly. Sure, I could have some good time buddies, but I’ve had plenty of those to last for a lifetime, and if they aren’t going to be there for me in times of trouble, then I don’t want them around anyway. Give me my one true friend, and my family, and we both have huge families, praise Jesus, cause He knew we’d need them.

       We’ve about decided to have about 8 kids, to start a big family all over from scratch for our kids, because having a big family is so important. We realize that kids cost money, but I truly believe if that’s the Lord’s will, then He will provide all things. As He says in the Bible, do not worry about what you will eat or wear, like the lilies in the valley are clothed, so shall you be. I trust that. I believe that. And God promises that.

       I told Brian last night, that if we have 8 kids, we are going to have to have 10 toilets, because sure enough, one day we will all go eat Mexican, and come back, and every single one of our stomachs will be messed up, and we’ll all have to go to the bathroom, and it’ll be me shitting outside, sure enough, and then walk in and say, we’re getting another toilet. Brian and I laughed about that real hard, just enjoying the idea of having a bunch of kids.

       Whatever happens, we are staying in this house. I have no desire to leave this home that God, Brian, me, Mom, & Dad have all built together, and laid our foundations firmly here. We’ll just add onto this one, 2 more bedrooms, and a lot of toilets and showers. Me and Brian are going to have to sit down and do some planning for the house to hold 8 kids before we ever build on. He’s got a degree in drafting, so he’s more than capable of doing it, and of course, I’ll help him, with my creative flair. This is probably going to be a really big home by the time we get finished with it, it’s going to have to be.

       Besides, we are up here by the river! Our kids can go fishing in the front yard anytime they want. We love living out here, where it’s quiet, away from all the cars and the hustle and bustle, and our church is right up the road and Roy and Denise are the best neighbors in the world.

3:27pm

       Well, earlier this morning, I got my happy butt up and picked up the glass in the yard from the table. I had to wear work gloves, and pull out some grass, cause the glass was everywhere, but it was tempered which it made it a little easier, and I’m glad for it, cause there weren’t any sharp edges, Thank the Lord.

       As I was picking it up, I wanted to mow next, and the grass was flooded, and I thought about mowing anyway. I moved to getting the limbs out of the yard, thinking it was just wet in one spot, but sure enough, as I took those limbs to the back yard, half of our entire yard was flooded.

       I checked the water hose, and Brian had about left it on full blast, though it was supposed to only trickle, so I fixed that, and came in. I called Brian, and he was sorry, and I was sorry we couldn’t mow again today, and probably won’t be able to til our water pump gets fixed, this hurricane blows over, and all the yard dries up, which will probably be on Saturday.

       My prayer is it doesn’t grow too high this week, til we can get it mowed, and be able to mow it with our mower, and not a bush hog. Being gone for a week put us a little bit in a bind, and we just haven’t been able to catch up just yet.

       Brian picked me up at about 11 am, and we went to Walmart, and bought his Madden game that came out today, and I was so hungry that I picked up some lunch items, chips, ramen noodles, soup, lipton soup secrets, yakisoba, you know, things like that.

       We ate chips all the way home, me feeding Brian while he was driving, and me shoveling them in one after another. I didn’t even count it, but we bought two bags, and I probably had 2 servings a piece, 150 calories each serving, so 600 calories just on the chips. I got back, and ate a yokisoba thingy, 400 calories in it, plus coffee (100) so I’ve had 1100 calories today. That means I won’t get dinner tonight, but that’s okay I know, because Mr. Billy in Delta City told me skipping dinner keeps you lean. I trust him, cause he’s older and wiser than me. I’m not even hungry anyway, so it won’t hurt to skip dinner, I know I’ve got plenty of fuel in my body now as it is. I am drinking a glass of sweet tea now, so that’s probably 100 calories, so I’m at 1200. Brian is eating chips again, he had soup and crackers for lunch, but he’s a man, and can eat more than me, on a scheduled calorie count anyway.

       Today is Day 210, Week 30, Day 2. We figured 30 weeks is about 7 months, so we figure March. I am so tempted just to go ahead and get pregnant now, but I know I would be so miserable and my stomach doesn’t need to stretch any more than it already has, being this big. So I’m going to wait, and that’ll put me at about 11 months since I’ve been hospitalized, and that’s healthy. I’m planning on going to Glenwood for this process, because knowing Conway, they’ll throw my ass back in the hospital as soon as I have those babies, just to be mean, and I’m not taking that risk. But I will be right back on my meds, right afterwards. I’ll ask for my medication first thing after I greet my new babies into the world, maybe even before.

       When we got back from Walmart, we all watched the weather for a while, and I realized it’s turning fall, because everyone’s attitude is changing, the atmosphere is changing, and it just is beginning to feel like fall. Thank You Jesus the summer is almost over! IT was a hot one!

       I know most people love summer because school is out, but I think they let school out because summer would just be unbearable in school, because it’s so damn hot. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons, Fall is always so much fun because of football season. Spring ought to be fun this year as well, because I’m going to plant some flowers, but I’m going to do that this fall as well. I’m thinking azaleas in the front of my home, I don’t know, maybe some hydrangeas. I don’t know just yet. I need to be looking, cause it’s getting close to September/October, and those are the months to do it.

       We’re thinking of skipping out on the cruise, and instead using that 3000 dollars on something that will last, like Brian a truck, and I really think that’s what we are going to do. Instead of spending all that money on a cruise, we might just go stay in a tiny motel in Florida for few days, walk on the beach, and only spend around 800-1000 dollars instead. We wouldn’t do anything, but Brian really needs a vacation, and he doesn’t need to sit at the house all day every day for a week on his vacation. So I’m going to have to check into that as well.

       It’s getting rainy looking outside, and Mama is out there blowing off her porch, and I can hear her out there fighting with Duke and probably the chickens.

       I talked to my Granny this morning, and she was doing good, just cleaning the house, like I need to be doing right now. She said they haven’t heard anything about Aunt Charlene, that she may have had a stroke, but that they are running tests to see what’s wrong, and are checking her heart this time. Poor Aunt Charlene, she was just getting over the last stroke.

       Today I have on my black shorts, purple LSU tshirt, and a colorful necklace, and my rings, and earrings, and flip flops. All Mine, so I’m doing better today. And! I’ve got on my makeup. My hair does need to be washed though, and I’ve got it in a ponytail. I’ll have to take a shower tonight, cause I just don’t have time in the mornings, and we’ve got to be at the Monroe Behavioral Health Clinic tomorrow morning at 9, and it’s going to be raining, so we’ve got to leave by 7:45, like we do for work every day.