August 3rd, 2012-Friday
Twig's birthday! Happy Birthday Aaron Branch!
It's 4:45 am, and I am up praying this morning, about something that I did, and am very upset about. The Lord has already had Mercy, but my prayer is that He show me unending mercy and love, as I really don't know why I did what I did, but I am willing to learn from my mistake, correct it, and never do something like this again. Please pray for me.
Oh, how I don't deserve the Lord's Mercy, but how He gives it so freely to all of us. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so much! He is the Only reason to keep going. Because of His unending Grace, I am able to trust in His Unending Mercy. Thank God, that I have now learned something else about my Lord and Savior, and He is encouraging me to keep going now.
My prayer now is that the Lord bring me to the place of forgiving myself, as I am not able to do it on my own at this time.
Oh, the grace of God, if only things had been different way back when.
The devil can really throw a fast one, and I know and trust the Lord that vengeance will be His, and His vengeance is so much more deadlier and hurtful and painful and everything that can be imagined than my own. I trust in the Lord God Jesus Christ's vengeance, for the devil and everyone else will definitely pay for what they have done to us in this life. Glory Hallelujah, God loves us!
How wonderful it is to be a chosen child of God, and to be loved and cared for, as one of His own! He hates to see his children suffer, and cries with us. I am so glad I am at the point that I can love the Lord's vengeance as well! Praise be to God in the HIGHEST!
The Lord is our Defender, our Strong and Mighty Tower! Our Rock Eternal! In Him I can totally trust!
He saved my life yesterday, when He lead me to change my course of actions. He saves my life everyday, and is so Faithful to me and I know to everyone else. He deserves just as much Faithfulness, although ours cannot be compared to HIS!
He reminds me of the Carrie Underwood song, "He is Good, SO GOOD, He makes promises He keeps, No he' s never going to leave, so don't you worry about me."
And that's God. He is so real.
I looked for my Bible, and couldn't find it. It must be in the car, from Sunday church, although I think I've read it since then, haven't I?
I don't know WHAT we are going to eat today. I'm starting to think about variety here, and not drinking a protein shake for breakfast, and I feel there is a real DANGER there, in variety. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!!!
I talked to Granny yesterday, and she said she was giving me a low-cal cookbook. My Granny spoils me, and is such a help and support. I love her so dearly. I am very glad to have the cookbook, and hope that it has some simple recipes that have under 500 calories. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be good, because it came from Granny.
I will see Granny today, she said she was coming over to Mama and Daddy's this morning, and I am looking forward to seeing her. She's got a birthday coming up, and I asked her what she wants, and she said "nothing" and she finally said to get her one of those pins that aren't very expensive from the antique store. That, I will do! She doesn't know it yet, but I will probably get her 2 or 3! J And maybe something else, because I LOVE spoiling my Granny when I can!
The other day when we were at Smoothie King, we bought this protein drink mixer. It's this cup that comes with a little ball whisk that you throw in the cup when you add all your ingredients. I'm loving it, cause the protein powder I have now, did not mix so good and we would have lumps in our shake. All fixed now!
Mr. Sully is active again this morning. He's nosing around everywhere, and investigating everything. He's getting us all ready for the day, going about all his kitty business.
Brian is going to get up in about 10 minutes, and I am so ready to tell him Good Morning!
I just woke Brian up, and Mr. Sully followed me into the bedroom, so I picked him up, and he said good morning to his daddy. When Brian reached out his hand to pet him, he started up purring. Sully loves his Daddy!
I'll have to discuss it with Brian, but we are either going to have soup or a salad for lunch today. I could also make hamburger steak, but I'm not sure if I'm going to do that or not, because I'll be at Mama and Daddy's and I don't want to mess up her dishes. We will probably have that this weekend.
I am starting to see, that we are really busy on weekdays, and that it is so simple and easy to have something simple and easy to eat. I am not scared of not having much variety. I am not scared for someone to judge what I eat. Let them judge, this is not the best food in the world, I'll grant you that, but I didn't ask to be entered into the best food in the world competition. I've got better things to talk about than what I ate last night, so give me a chance to talk about them, would ya?
Everyone is so scared to have a meaningful conversation, whether it be at work or at the ball field, anywhere they go. Why is that? Who wrote the book on what is and what is not acceptable to talk about?
Why is it only acceptable to be shallow in public?
There are some really good people in this world, with really good ideas.
Maybe we could really grow as a country and a nation together, if we all shared something meaningful, that doesn't have to do with flesh/sex, (in other words, who's looking better than who, and who makes what money, and who's got what).
It may take a fat person to realize this, as it has me, but I believe that everyone is beautiful, in their own way. Not everyone is cookie cutter pretty, but to someone, that person is attractive, and beautiful. Who am I to say, no, you're not pretty?
In the middle of it all, is the person beneath, which is where my journey began. I started searching for the individual hear t in a person, and that became so much more important to me, than anything on the outside ever will.
Sure, there are really pretty people, but to say anyone is ugly, is not only inconsiderate and unkind, it is inaccurate.
We weren't made to all look the same. The world may press our buttons, and push a certain image, but it's up to us to make up our own minds about these things, and to give ourselves, and everyone around us, a fighting chance.
I'm thinking about starting to do some of those old fashioned waist exercises. I want a teeny tiny waist at the end of all this. The only way to get that is to do those exercises.
How can I say don't think about looks on one hand, and then on the other be concerned with my waist, and how teeny it is?
I want to look the best I can, but I'm not going to judge someone else's heart based on the way they look, as I hope they don't judge mine on the way I look.
The flip side of skinniness is that you can be perceived as arrogant, bitchiness, of being full of yourself, being shallow, only caring about the way you look, not giving a damn about other people, ect ect.
Skinny people are judged just as much as fat people are. A common misconception about fat people is that we are all lazy. That couldn't be farther from the truth. But, it's easy to say that, it explains why they are fat, to the shallow minded.
In the end, we all have our own minds, our own issues, our own lives in which we do different activities and things that make us happy. No one person is alike , especially not in their lives! We may share some things in our lives, and that's great! However, we are all so unique in the plan that God has made for us, that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to fully comprehend just how unique each one of us is!
Praise the Lord! For He loves us so much, that He made us all unique!
And that is a complete reason to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, who understands all, went through all, feels all, completes all, and Is all!
August 3, 2012
I have reached a new point in my life. It says in the Bible that just when you think you've got it, you forget everything, and have to start all over again. And as so it says, I reached that place in my life this morning on the way to Mama and Daddy's home.
When I realized that I must start anew, my first step was to trust that God would bring me through a new growth.
When we got to work, Uncle Jay was there, and as always, had something interesting to talk about.
"Some people own a lot of farm land, and get a lot of rent from it, but they are so tight with their money. They dress in rags, smoke other people's cigarettes, and just watch their money grow." Uncle Jay said.
"They watch the growth of their money, because it's easier to watch that grow, than to grow inside themselves." I said.
"Money is easier to watch grow. You can actually see it, make charts on it." Uncle Jay said.
"Yes, you can measure it. You can't see growth on the inside, but you can feel it. It can't be measured, and it is invaluable." I said.
Thank YOU Jesus for my family! Because of who they are, and their ways of thinking, I am free to think the way that I think, and become the person that I am meant to be. God has really blessed me with the family that I am in, and especially the parents that I come from, but all my aunts and uncles have taken part in loving me through the years, and I love them so much, and enjoy all of our time together, and always have.
The conversation changed, and I began to search myself, and a problem of my own that I had in the past, came back up. Praise God Almighty , God was bringing me to this place to relearn the things that I had misconstrued the first time. Only THIS time, I was relearning how to deal with those problems, and Thank the Lord God Almighty that THIS time, I prayed, and am dealing with them CORRECTLY!
So it's not starting all over, it's reworking some problems that I got wrong the first time.
This was a hard problem I was dealing with, and as I tried to accept the solution on my own, I realized that I couldn't, and asked Jesus for help, and pictured him stepping into the solution with me, and we stepped into the acceptance together. Thank God for Jesus Christ, Who Makes All Things New!
Granny came over this morning! I hope I look just like her when I get older, because she is the prettiest older lady I have ever seen! She brought me a low-cal cookbook by Better Homes and Gardens. The first thing I turned to was a Pasta Primavera, and it only had 347 calories per serving. That cookbook s is exactly what I needed, and somehow Granny knew. Not to say that I'm going to cook every weeknight, cause I'm not, we are too busy. But, when the weekend comes, or we are having someone over, I can definitely pull out that cookbook and cook something up, low-cal, no excuses!
Today I've drank and eaten quite a bit. I consume so many calories while I am drinking things. This morning I had a lot of coffee w/ half and half (300), protein shake w/milk (340), beef jerky (200), Tuna fish (300) chips (200), and a Gatorade this afternoon (130). That totals to (1470).
Dang it! Those calories really add up fast! I'm going to try to walk off 150 calories tonight, and when I do, that will put me at (1320) for the day. I am tempted to beat myself up over this, but I am resisting, with much effort.
I will lose weight with a calorie count of 1320. My fear is that, this week, when I get on the scale, it will not be a lot of weight lost. I'm reminding myself, that I'm in this for the long haul anyway, so even if I only lose a couple of pounds this week, it's still 2 pounds, which means that I am still doing things right.
I always try to get better at doing things, than I did before, as most people do. I lost 3.5 pounds last week, so my goal this week was to lose 5 pounds. In all reality, I cannot continue this cycle of increasing my weight loss goals.
Therefore, my goal will be to do just as good this week as I did last week.
I keep a planner, and last week, I started writing down exactly how many calories I had each day, on the day I had them; whether or not I walked; and how many blog views I got each day.
So today, I can go back, and see my calorie count for last week, just to check and make sure that I am on the same track as last week, and that my progress hasn't slowed any.
I could get on the scale, but I am waiting til Wednesday to measure. It's only Friday, I've only given it 2 days, and that's just not enough time to accurately determine my progress. Obsessing over the scale is very unhealthy, which I am beginning to do.
Therefore I bow my head in prayer, and ask the Lord God for help, to quit obsessing over the scale, because I know in my heart that I cannot conquer that alone. With God, I can conquer all things, and without Him, nothing is worth conquering.
Ahhh, I already feel better! We just got home, and I took my diabetes medication that I haven't taken in about 2 days. Bear that in mind, because what I'm about to confess that I've eaten in the past hour is quite significant.
I've had, for the day 1470 calories. That was before 4:30pm. Since then, I've had honey roasted almonds (220), sharp cheddar (200), Reese's ice cream sandwich (280), and Jalepeno chips (300). Total for my 4:30 mini marathon of fat: 1000
So today, I've had (2470) calories. And there's no way to burn that off today. There's no way to make that good.
I'm still going to walk, because if I burn off 150 calories, that will get my metabolism pumping, and it will bring me to (2320). That's better than the other number.
I was so craving everything, wanting to eat and eat and eat, and then I realized I hadn't taken my diabetes medicine, so as soon as I got home, I took it. It took about an hour, but it finally kicked in, and now I'm feeling right as rain.
That is why it is so important for me to take my medicine. Without proper management of a blood sugar problem, I will run into this again. But I'm not going to, I just didn't realize how important it was to me.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow will be better, and I will take my medicine.
August 3rd, 2012- evening, 7:34pm
Brian and I are sitting in our home in the living room, him watching ESPN 1st Take, and me, writing.
I would be talking to Brian, but he so desperately wanted to watch this TV show, that I wasn't able to, but for a few minutes. As he continues to watch, there are things he wants to talk about as well, but nope! I don't have time now, I'm writing. Te he.
Of course, this better not withstand, because I love talking to Brian. I hope both of us learns a lesson from putting each other on the back burner, to pursue our own interests. All I can do is put it in the Lord's hands, cause I definitely cannot solve it, and cannot be trusted to solve it perfectly.
I'm about to break out my electronic cigarette, in the hopes that I will be able to breathe easier, and still get my nicotine fix for a while, until I get all these pounds off, and start on that endeavor.
I would try to quit now, but, unfortunately, I am only human, and one big project at a time is all I can muster. Now, Jesus, He is God, and can and does handle all things at all times. We are incomparable.
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