August 9th, 2012- Thursday

August 9^th, 2012- Thursday

            5:46am

            Oh! I’m wondering what kind of day this is going to be? I feel kinda crabby, but I am optimistic that Jesus will turn my day into a good one.

            Well it’s already turning around, as I just woke Brian up for the 2^nd time this morning, and he is so dang good looking, I got some good morning kisses, and I just know it’s going to be a wonderful morning.

            We both slept good last night. I tried to go to sleep at 9 oclock, but Brian was watching LOST,  and I can’t go to sleep with the television on, especially not that show, cause it is so interesting to watch, there’s always something going on, and all kinds of music.

            One night, I was lying in the bed, and Brian had left Lost on, but it had finished playing and returned to the menu. There was jungle  music on it, and my mind had never been so active. I was having all kinds of ideas about short stories and comic books, and was thinking of writing one, and getting Samantha, my cousin, to draw the pictures. I might still do that one of these days, you never know.

            When I got out of bed this morning, there were 2 dogs at my feet, and that set my mood to be crabby immediately, having to make sure I didn’t step on them. For some reason, all dogs love to lay by my feet, and it just drives me crazy. I can’t stand it!

            Mama is out of milk, so I’ve got to be sure to take some over to her house this morning, so we can have either our protein shake or some oatmeal. I know oatmeal brings down blood sugar, but I can’t put bananas in mine today, because that really counteracts the goodness, and brings my sugar back up high.

            I’m going over to Aunt Becky’s this morning at 10am, to see how she’s doing. And then tomorrow, I made a date with my cousin Taylor, to look at his new clinic, and check on him. So much family to see, there’s barely enough time in the week.  And that’s just the Dearman side! And I’m  not even through! I still want to go by and see Aunt Angel, and at some point I’m going to call Aunt Renee. Then on my Granny’s side, I haven’t seen Aunt Charlene since she had her stroke, and I’d like to go see Aunt Cindy as well. Not to mention Aunt Ester & Aunt Evelyn. My Grandma’s sister,Aunt Sharon, lives in Monroe as well, and I’m going to try to make it over there Friday after I visit Taylor. I’m going to have to call her today.

            Yep, I love my family, and love seeing them. And there’s a whole slew of em, on both sides. Then on Saturdays, we go to Mississippi to see my extended family, Brian’s family, and there’s a whole slew of them too! Brian has 5 brothers, and 3 sisters, all living. There’s 3 people missing now, that have gone on, that he lost in his family, or we would have 3 more to see. I  know when we all get to heaven, it will be so wonderful, and we will all be reunited, never to miss each other or be without each other ever again. I already feel like I know all 3 of them, his Mom, Louise, and his older brother, Tony, and his twin, Brad.

            Well, we’ve both been through some heartbreak, but The Lord, Jesus Christ, is faithful to pull us through to the other side, with the promise that we will see them all again. The other day I stared in the mirror, thinking, I am Daniel Dearman’s sister, don’t mess with him or I’ll kick your ass. Then I thought, Well, you can’t hurt Daniel anymore, he’s safe, and you can never hurt him again, and I found comfort. People were always trying to fight Daniel, and he’d whoop their butts, and then 10 minutes after the fight, he’d turn around and make friends. That’s just the kind of person Daniel was, full of love, and life, freedom, and good things.

            I miss Daniel, and I think of him everyday, but I think of him in the present, and what he must look like now, and I can see him smiling and happy, and doing something fun up there. He is living, he just isn’t living here anymore. He’s more alive now than he’s ever been, and he is well, and good, better than ever. Sometimes I get a mental picture of him smiling at me, as if to say “Keep it up Sister! “ And his eyes are full of love, and I know that love never dies, and I will always have Daniel here with me, in my heart, and carry him with me everywhere. I’ve got a feeling he’s pretty proud of me right now. I will always love Daniel, that’s not a past tense.

            Brian said something the other day. He said friendships last forever, but relationships change. We lose touch with people, and we don’t have the relationships we once had, but the friendships remain. Of course, he was talking about people that are still on this earth, but I thought that was very well thought out, and wanted to mention it.

            I was going to walk this morning, but I feel really sore from all this walking, so I think I’ll let my body rest this morning, and walk this evening. That’ll give it some extra time, and me, some extra time to recover, and take a shower, and really enjoy my  morning.

            Brian just got up, and said he was sore too from his 41 minute walk yesterday, and I don’t doubt it. Today is Thursday, Day 2 of this week. It seems like it’s been longer, but I’ve got 5 more days, before I weigh Tuesday morning. I can do 5 more days.

            Mama’s making some kind of bbq brisket for lunch, but I’m thinking I’m going to take the ingredients to make one of those recipes in my low-cal cookbook. I realize bbq brisket is good, but I’ve really got to cut back today, I want to be under 1200 calories, and we will see how I do. I had brisket yesterday, so I’ve had it, and I’m not depriving myself of it, but one day of it is plenty for me.

            Granny and Mrs. Iris are coming over to Mama’s today, and I hope they decide to come this afternoon, because I’m going to be at Aunt Becky’s this morning.

            I think I’m going to wear another vest today, and I’m thinking of taking a picture a putting it on facebook, so my friends can see my 8 pound progress.

            I know there are plenty of diet aids out there, but the only thing I’m taking, as a supplement, is a multivitamin gummie, magnesium, super vitamin b complex, and fish oil. As you have witnessed, it’s not necessary to spend so much money buying all those diet foods and shakes, I’m doing it the old fashioned way: Cutting calories, and exercising, and it’s working!

            We do have a protein shake for breakfast, but that’s just one of those 10 dollar mixes you buy at Walmart for a whole thing of it. I’m not spending a fortune on those things, when I can buy them at Walmart for 10 dollars. But, where there’s good things, somebodys always going to be trying to make some money, and exploit the desperate public. I’m not judging, everyone’s gotta make some money, but I’m not buying those things.

            And a protein shake, all it is, is a meal replacement. Something quick and easy, full of protein, easy to mix, and low cal, quick to get breakfast, without going over your calorie count, and messing up some dishes. Very simple.

           

August 9^th, 2012-

            11am

            I just got back from my trip to Walmart. I had been at Aunt Becky’s, and Mama needed some things from Walmart for lunch, and so did I, so I stopped in Walmart and picked them up.

            I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now, kinda sad, I guess, so many people have so many troubles. Aunt Becky was doing good though, and Kenzie Ann was there, and I got to say HI to her, and talk to her a little bit.

            In my sadness, I don’t feel like breaking my diet. Food is not the answer, for sure, and it’s going to take a little bit of work to figure this out, with the Lord’s help. As I lean on Him, I know that He will get me through to the other side, and is already working on it, as I trust him to bring back the happiness.

            There’ s  no way that God wants me to be unhappy, and I know he wants no one to be unhappy.  I may go through things, but I can guarantee I ‘m just going through them, and there’ s a light at the end of the tunnel. I trust God with my heart, to get me through this, the right way, His way, and to bring me to the other side of it.

            He is good, and He is God, and He only wants us to turn to him, and I do.

            It’s about an hour before lunch, and I’m feeling anxious for it. I might go ahead and eat, cause I’m getting hungry. We had oatmeal (100) for breakfast w/ raisins (50) and mixed it with water, so that’s only 150 calories today, no wonder I’m hungry.

            I just talked to Brian, and we figured out that neither one of us is really hungry, that I am just anxious for the day to go by. It’s only dang 11 oclock, and we’ve got a whole ‘nother 6 hours here.

            I don’t know what time Granny and Mrs. Iris are going to show up, I’m hoping soon, because after lunch I want to go home, and clean up around the house a good bit. My floors are screaming for some attention, the kitties have knocked things on the floor, on accident, and it really needs to be mopped.

            I don’t know how much time we are going to have this afternoon, or even tomorrow because when we get home tonight, I know we are going to walk, and I’m going to have to make beef barley soup. The only way we are going to get this done before Saturday is for Brian to help me, and he usually does anyway. Or, I could go home after lunch, today and tomorrow.

            I still felt anxious, so I took what I was feeling, and thought of Jesus knowing exactly how I am feeling, and feeling it with me, and gave it to Him, and I know He will solve this for me, cause I was at a dead end.

August 9^th, 2012

7:15pm

            Brian and I just sat down in the living room, to watch some preseason football games. It’s Green Bay vs. the Chargers. Brian is watching it, to get some more preseason information for his Fantasy Football league he’s in with Uncle Larry and Uncle Joe, and some of their family members.

            I am in the process of making dinner. The recipe said to let the onion, thyme, carrots, and garlic simmer in the chicken broth for 45 minutes, I’m guessing to get a good tasting broth, and then I will add the potatoes, beef, mushrooms, and tomatoes to that. Brian picked out this recipe too, and it should be good, I mean, it’s vegetable soup!

            I’m glad I’m trying this out today, because Aaron and Jenn Branch and their young’uns are coming over Sunday after church, and if it’s good tasting, I’m going to do this Saturday night too.  I told Twig to tell Jenn if she wants to bring one of her awesome deserts, to bring that too. She’s so busy these days, got lots going on, so I don’t know if she’ll be able to, and that’s fine, cause I really don’t need it anyway, but I’ll definitely eat it, if she brings it!

            I gave Mr. Sully and Miss Teensie a spit bath today. My big ole kitties are so big that they can’t reach all the way around on their backs. They were both most appreciative. Gotta take care of my Babies!

            Daddy was gone when I woke up. He had been working hard all day, trying to work out some kinks another person had. They do that at Maximum Access. Most of the time, it’s not even the internet, it’s just a computer problem, or something someone else messed up somewhere, fiddling with stuff.

            Granny and Mrs. Iris didn’t come over today. They are supposed to come over tomorrow morning. I talked to Granny tonight, and she had been busy all day, working in her home.

            I tried to call Aunt Renee tonight, but her phone wasn’t working, so I guess I’m going to have to wrangle up the new number somewhere. I miss talking to Aunt Renee, she is such a great encouragement to me.

            I posted my picture today on Facebook, and a lot of my friends liked it, and commented. I really feel I am not alone in this, and it feels good.

            I am NOT losing weight to look just so good. I am losing weight, because I want people to love me, and I want to set a good example. I love others, and want them to be healthy and happy. The Lord is my strength in all this, and I know He will pull me through. I don’t want to change anything about who I am, except to grow in the Lord, and personally.  I don’t want my attitude to change at all, and I don’t want to go around being all conceited and cocky, and judgemental on others. I am hoping to set a good example as I lose this weight as well. To let others know, that they can do it, they can get healthy. There’ s no need to change who you are, but be encouraged in the Lord, and stay yourself, and he will renew you, and help you to overcome, in love, and to be a good example for those around you.

            I mean, what kind of example am I setting for children? Not a very good one. I meet all these kids, and they love me, but here I am fat, and it confuses them. That’s not what I want to do at all. I want to see all these kids grow up and be healthy and happy in the Lord, and confident in themselves and their abilities, and not think nothing different about being healthy, never go through cockiness or conceitedness, and just always always be themselves, and be happy about it!

            Brian and I are going to walk after dinner, because I’m feeling a little weak from only eating 350 calories all day. That’s not healthy. I need to get at least t0 900 for the day, and I’m going to walk 100 off, so I need to eat 650 calories tonight, or drink them.

            The soup has 349 calories per serving in it, and I’m going to have it with crackers, so that’s 150 = 500, and then I’m going to have some coffee, and I’ll put a lot of half in half in it, so that’s around 1000, and with my walk, I’ll be at 900.

            I absolutely refuse to starve myself. What kind of example would that set? Not a very good one. No, I’ve got to eat, and eat a healthy amount. Eat to live, not live to eat. And to sustain life, our bodies have to have calories, period. Besides, I don’t want to end up a weakling! Sometimes, when people starve themselves, they end up with small, but unhealthy bodies. I plan on sustaining muscle, and I’m going to be as strong as an ox in 397 days!

            When you starve yourself, it can also cause cellulite I think, cause there’s no muscle there.  Every woman has cellulite, and I know this, I just mean it can cause a lot of it.  But with some muscle training, and a good, healthy eating schedule, I know some of that can go away, or at least, not be as noticeable. That’s what I believe, anyway, and I could be wrong, but that’s what I believe.

            Sounds like rain outside tonight, and I pray that God help us weather the storm.

            We heard a song yesterday. Conway Twitty. “That’s my job, that’s what I do. Everything I do is because of you, to keep you safe with me, that’s my job you see.”

            I thought of God when I heard this song. He’s saying that to me. I had always thought of God, as wonderful, glorious, kind, loving Father, which He definitely is, but as I heard this song I realized, He does everything because of us, and how much He loves us. That’s why He sent Jesus, to be close to us, so that we could all live forever together, in His love.

            Well, Jarrett Lee did get his shot anyway, thank you very much! He’s playing tonight for the Chargers. I hope he goes onto be a Hall of Fame quarterback one of these days, Lord knows Les Miles didn’t give him a chance in hell. What’s meant to happen will always happen, because God works His mysterious ways, and in those mysterious ways, I totally trust!

            I have always pushed people away, after getting close to them. I’m talking to the Lord about that tonight, and He is fixing everything!

            We just got through eating our Beef & Barley Vegetable soup, and it was really pretty good, especially for only 349 calories. It called for 2 regular potatoes, and 2 sweet potatoes, but I don’t know how to cut those hard things up, so I just used another 2 regular potatoes. But it did call for 2 pounds of meat, and I only used 1 pound, so it really kinda evens out on the calorie count.

            I need to get up and walk, but I’m waiting for my food and medicine to settle, about 30 minutes. I know it’s now 9pm, and that’ll put me at 9:30, and I’m kinda ready for this day to be over with, but I’ve still got to walk, regardless. My stomach doesn’t feel heavy, I’m just waiting for it all to start working in my belly, and then I’ll get on the treadmill.

            Brian just made me some coffee. He usually does every  night, since I make it in the morning.  I’m anxious to walk, but I feel a little bit weak, from not eating, so I’m waiting for this soup to amp up my strength, and then I’ll do it. And right now, I feel my strength coming back.